As a cisgender gay male, I am horrified at the disturbing amount of Trans deaths that are reported (and the even more that go unreported). It seems like not a week goes by without another murder. This trend cannot be allowed to continue! How can I be a stronger ally to the Trans community?

Joshua in Jacksonville-

Joshua in Jacksonville,

Let me begin by saying, thank you for having empathy for our community and wanting to advance the rights of all gender and sexual minorities. A lot of people have complete apathy for our community because they still believe in archaic ideas of autonomy. For example, a lot of cisgender people believe we are not deserving of egalitarian society values because they still frame our autonomy as a ‘lifestyle choice.’ Like the way Gays and Lesbians were treated for the last few hundred years up until 5 years ago. Even though we have made advancements in the LGB part of LGBTQIA2+ does not diminish the struggles the rest of our community is going through.

Many famous civil rights leaders have been attributed to saying, ‘none of us are free, until all of us are free,” and that has been apart of my pedagogy for decades now. Dismantling cisgender supremacism is a pervasive issue we face in our already complicated ethnocentric, patriarchal and ableist society. We might live in a society that has a narrative that we are all free, and already free but the truth is we are always negotiating our autonomy in society. In short, the work is never complete or finished. That is why a lot of movements are labeled in “waves” (Cavanaugh, 2020).

1) Time

This can be summed up by saying you will actively dismantle cisgender supremacy whenever you see it. For example, you might notice that there is not a toilet for Trans people at your job. Or perhaps, you have a close relationship with a city councilmember who now oversees diversity and inclusion in your community, and you reach out to them to express your Trans inclusion concerns.

2) Money

The truth is, not everyone has time or is able to volunteer however, almost everyone is able to contribute or is able to donate a little towards causes that help lift gender and sexual minorities out of systems of social and political oppression.

3) Volunteering

This is the one that intimidates most people because they identify as shy, or they are intimidated by working with strangers. Whatever the reason, a lot of people just need a push in the right direction. For those people, almost every Trans organization, nonprofit or business has volunteer opportunities.

4) Direct Involvement

This is where most people assume, they should begin but the truth is until you learn all the social mores, folkways, and traditions from within gender and sexual minorities the odds of you accidentally offending someone is high. So, unless you have exercised the first three, I highly recommend not doing direct involvement until you have your ‘sea legs’. That is to say, you understand how majority and minority dynamics work (at a graduate level) and how that directly influences policy, education and intersectionality in the gender, sexual and nonbinary communities. Direct involvement is approaching gender and sexual minorities yourself and offering your assistance.

For example, you might do a clothing drive for those experiencing homelessness or unemployment. Or throughout your networking you found someone who needs specific assistance and you volunteered to provide it. You might help someone get around to important medical appointments, help them with surgical aftercare, or go grocery shopping for them. This is obviously not an option for someone who wants to remain anonymous or is afraid of ascribed stigma that maybe assigned to you from the cisgender community for helping Trans people. That is another reason why working under the first three is preferred first.

5) There is no such thing as a perfect ally.

Many of my colleagues will disagree and that is okay. It is their prerogative to believe differently based upon the experiences they have had in their life. What I know to be true from my own lived life experience is that at some point your going to make a mistake and you must forgive yourself. You must also, take ownership and remain accountable for the actions you either did on purpose or by accident.

It does not matter really if it was malicious or not because the emotional impact on the community is still the same. Whether it was by accident does not mitigate the pain it causes, and cisgender people often forget about that. They just feel we should know their heart because they are trying but the truth is the difference between a bigot and being bigoted is a thin line sometimes. I can tell everyone all day that I am not racist because I do not hold racist views and I try to dismantle white supremacy every time I see it. However, I will constantly need to be educated from my BiPOC friends because I have white passing privilege and therefor will not understand every level of intersectionality because I have never experienced been ascribed a ‘colored’ person in America.

My last suggestion has more to do with guarding yourself against burnout (Smith, 2021). Be sure to take breaks and make friends outside of the causes you believe in. Otherwise, it is easy to feel trapped and isolated from everyone else and the issues you feel strongly about. Self-care is paramount and you must not over commit yourself. A lot of passionate people fall into the social-political trap of saying yes to everything and then have reported feeling incapacitated with fear, anxiety and being overwhelmed. Take care of yourself. There’s only one of you!

Best regards,

SVJ

Cavanaugh, L. V. (2020, November 18). A Brief History: The Four Waves of Feminism. Progressive Women's Leadership. https://www.progressivewomensleadership.com/a-brief-history-the-four-waves-of-feminism/.

Smith, A. (2021, February 15). Self-Care for Activists. Experience Life. https://experiencelife.com/article/self-care-for-activists/.